This week we sent our youngest daughter off to Honduras for the summer. She’s recently wrapped up her first year of college - we moved her out of the dorm on Thursday and in less than a week – LESS THAN A WEEK – she was on an airplane bound for an orphanage that doesn’t have a mailing address.
As I was leaving the airport, all I could think about was how thankful I am for every, single family vacation we’ve ever taken.
See, I always imagined we would take one last, big, memorable family vacation the summer before she left for college. We didn’t get to do that because she chose to spend her entire summer in Honduras last year.
For that matter, her whole senior year didn’t turn out at all like I planned. But that’s the problem. It was her senior year, not mine. She had a right to her own plans.
Likewise, a few years back, I thought we had lots of wonderful family vacations ahead of us because I always assumed my oldest daughter would move out and eventually get married after she had graduated from college and established her career. She chose to move out and get married the summer after her junior year of college, instead.
It can leave a mom feeling like she’s been cheated.
But that’s not all we’ve been cheated out of. I can tell you about quite a few things I was looking forward to doing with my kids that never happened because I said “someday” and the days slipped away from me.
Here’s what I’ve learned. As our children get older they become more independent. In those early years, we make the plans. As they age, they start making their own plans and those plans don’t always include us.
The lesson here is – don’t wait. Don’t wait to do special things with those older children. Don’t wait till senior year or the first dance or the next summer or another holiday. Don’t say “someday” you’ll take them somewhere, show them something or teach them something. You aren’t guaranteed to have next summer or even next week with them.
We tend to wistfully reflect on days gone by when our kids were tiny and precious and up for anything we offered. But as the Bible says, you can’t plow a field while you’re looking backwards.
There are fields to be plowed, so to speak, when your children are in middle school and high school. Gone are the days when they showered you with hugs and kisses in the sunshine, smiling for family photos by the ocean or by the castle at Disney World. But you gotta be okay with that. See your children for who they are now and grasp opportunities to enjoy them where they are in life.
Take the road trips. Have the parties. Teach the lessons. Even if all you get in return from her right now are crossed arms and a labored sigh. Even if his cellphone gets more quality, one-on-one time on vacation than you do.
Then align yourself with some of the plans they’ve made and revel in their excitement as their dreams come true. My own mom said she heard a quote somewhere that sums it up beautifully.
"Give your children roots and wings."
It's a little sad when they start edging their way out of the nest. But nothing compares to the thrill of watching them fly. :)
