Got older kids? Do something. NOW.

When your kids are little and cute, everyone tells you to cherish each passing moment because “they grow up so fast.” It’s true. But no one ever tells you to cherish the moments when your kids get older. So I will.

This week we sent our youngest daughter off to Honduras for the summer. She’s recently wrapped up her first year of college - we moved her out of the dorm on Thursday and in less than a week – LESS THAN A WEEK – she was on an airplane bound for an orphanage that doesn’t have a mailing address.

As I was leaving the airport, all I could think about was how thankful I am for every, single family vacation we’ve ever taken.

See, I always imagined we would take one last, big, memorable family vacation the summer before she left for college. We didn’t get to do that because she chose to spend her entire summer in Honduras last year.

For that matter, her whole senior year didn’t turn out at all like I planned. But that’s the problem. It was her senior year, not mine. She had a right to her own plans.

Likewise, a few years back, I thought we had lots of wonderful family vacations ahead of us because I always assumed my oldest daughter would move out and eventually get married after she had graduated from college and established her career. She chose to move out and get married the summer after her junior year of college, instead.

It can leave a mom feeling like she’s been cheated.

But that’s not all we’ve been cheated out of. I can tell you about quite a few things I was looking forward to doing with my kids that never happened because I said “someday” and the days slipped away from me.

Here’s what I’ve learned. As our children get older they become more independent. In those early years, we make the plans. As they age, they start making their own plans and those plans don’t always include us.

The lesson here is – don’t wait. Don’t wait to do special things with those older children. Don’t wait till senior year or the first dance or the next summer or another holiday. Don’t say “someday” you’ll take them somewhere, show them something or teach them something. You aren’t guaranteed to have next summer or even next week with them.

We tend to wistfully reflect on days gone by when our kids were tiny and precious and up for anything we offered. But as the Bible says, you can’t plow a field while you’re looking backwards.

There are fields to be plowed, so to speak, when your children are in middle school and high school. Gone are the days when they showered you with hugs and kisses in the sunshine, smiling for family photos by the ocean or by the castle at Disney World. But you gotta be okay with that. See your children for who they are now and grasp opportunities to enjoy them where they are in life.

Take the road trips. Have the parties. Teach the lessons. Even if all you get in return from her right now are crossed arms and a labored sigh. Even if his cellphone gets more quality, one-on-one time on vacation than you do.

Then align yourself with some of the plans they’ve made and revel in their excitement as their dreams come true. My own mom said she heard a quote somewhere that sums it up beautifully.

"Give your children roots and wings."

It's a little sad when they start edging their way out of the nest. But nothing compares to the thrill of watching them fly. :)

#Goals

I read somewhere that most New Year’s resolutions only last about two months. I also heard that resolutions to lose weight have a 95 percent fail rate.

Wow.

I was talking to some of my friends about this last night, and we made a commitment to set some goals for 2019. But how do you do that when the numbers say it’s going to be an epic fail?

Well, for starters, we’re church people. That helps because we’re looking at the future through the filter of the Bible. That’s a lot different than looking at the world without it.

Some people think the Bible is nothing but judgment, punishment, and death. But the Bible is a book of hope. The Bible is full of verses that tell us not to live in the past and to work toward a better future.

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. – Isaiah 43:18-19.

Experts who know a lot more about this stuff than I do have told me the best way to reach goals is to make them realistic. They say you need to make them specific, too.

So we’re giving ourselves a whole week to think about some solid goals for 2019 that are specific and realistic. Three goals for each of us:

1. A physical goal. This is a goal that relates to something you do. It might be sports, music, theater, bull riding (yes, one of my friends does that) or just dropping some pounds (remember to be specific and realistic!).

2. A spiritual goal. For this one, we’re thinking about what will help us connect with our higher power or give us more spiritual depth. It could be making a habit of saying a prayer when you wake up in the morning. It could be reading your Bible or memorizing verses. Or it might be some selfless act for others. (James 1:27)

3. A relationship goal. In this fast-paced world it can take some effort to put the brakes on life to work on a relationship. The rewards are always worth the pit stop. Decide to reconnect with an old friend, or block out one afternoon to spend time with a grandparent. Or how about saying “thank you” to someone who’s made an impact on your life?

One final note. The most important part of setting goals for the New Year is to let God have control. The Bible says he loves us and wants what is good for us. If we ask him to help us decide what goals to set, it’s all going to work out for good in the end, no matter what we’ve done or haven’t done by the end of the year.

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. – Prov. 16:9

When we decide on our three goals, we’re going to write them down. Each of us will seal our goals in an envelope. The envelopes will be put away for a year. Then this time next year we’ll open them and see how we’ve done.

Those experts I mentioned – they also say that setting goals with a group is a great way to be successful. We don’t have to share our goals with each other, but we’ll hold each other accountable. We’ll check up on each other throughout the year to push us to make progress.

Want to join us? I think it’s going to be a great year!

Storm Damage

I was running a little ahead of schedule this morning and decided to step out on the front porch to enjoy the sound of the summer rain. It's so peaceful when it rains on our country road.

While I was taking a moment to pause and enjoy nature, something caught my eye. It's something I've seen just about every day for the past couple of years. This time, for the first time, I saw it as an important lesson.

It's a patch of green situated just in front of our woods. It's nowhere near as tall as the trees in back of it, but a lot taller than the well kept lawn that surrounds it.

Basically, it's a patch of really big weeds.

Fallen Trees and Fallen Lives

A couple of years ago a big storm swept through our neighborhood and took down one of our trees. Thankfully, no one was hurt and there was no damage to our home or our cars. And don't get me wrong - I'm glad about that. Really!

But the fact that the tree is far removed from our house gave us a lot less motivation to drag out the chainsaw, cut the tree up and haul it off. It wasn't hurting anything down there by the woods. It was just lying on the ground minding its own business.

So my husband was in no particular hurry to clean up the storm damage. He mowed around the tree all summer. And the next summer. And this summer, too.

No surprise then that the grass and weeds started to grow up around the fallen tree to a point where you can't even see it anymore. It's a great big bulge of natural nasty, and I wouldn't set foot anywhere inside of it because it looks like a great place for snakes!

So now we have a choice to make. We can continue to ignore it and let it remain an open invitation to snakes and an eyesore in our otherwise well kept yard. Or we can wade into that mess and clean it up.

I'd love to get it cleaned up. But it sure would have been a lot easier if we had done it as soon as the tree hit the ground and the weather cleared up.

Do you know where I'm going with this?

Weeds and Snakes of a Different Kind

Being a Christian doesn't guarantee that we'll never fall. We're human, and sometimes we make mistakes. Big ones. Earth shattering ones that change everything.

When we fall like a tree in a storm, we have a couple of choices. We can deal with our mistakes immediately, or we can ignore them. Hide them. Hope that no one sees them. Pretend they're not there. Work around them.

The problem is that the fall still happened, and the damage is still there.

The longer we try to ignore it, the harder it will be to contend with. Weeds will grow up around it. Weeds with names like Regret, Bitterness, Hurt - keeping God and those who love us most from reaching that part of our hearts. That part of our "yard."

Then the snakes move it. Snakes with names like Guilt and Self Condemnation. The poison they inject can be devastating to a believer.

Have you made a mistake? Did you fall?

Take care of the damage ASAP. Make things right. If you hurt someone, ask for forgiveness. Make things right. Repay debts. Most important of all - go to God. The Bible says He is faithful and just to forgive us.


There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. - Romans 8:1


If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. - 1 John 1:9

"I'm glad." Looking back on a nearly empty nest.

Soon, there will be no children living in our home. Well...according to the laws of the land, that’s already the case. But as far as I’m concerned, that 18-year-old is still our baby till she gets her diploma.

Anyway, it seems like a good time to reflect. I don’t believe you should live in the past, and I don’t believe you should dwell on your regrets. Your youngest child’s senior year is already emotional, so I’m not going to “go there.” But I do think I’ll list some things I’m glad we did:

- I’m glad we built campfires in the back yard.

- I’m glad we flew kites in the front yard.

- I’m glad we took time to get away – from the day trips that led us through the mountains and into museums to the week-long vacations.

- I’m glad I let my kids get dirty.

- I’m glad I let the house stay messy sometimes in favor of time spent playing with dolls, reading books, watching movies, or packing up a picnic to take outside.

- I'm glad for fairy houses.

- I'm glad we kept fun stuff on the lower shelves.

- I'm glad we let them "help" in the kitchen.

- I'm glad I got out of the way once in a while to let them spend some time with their dad.

- I’m glad we kept the fridge littered with pictures, art work, and achievements.

- I’m glad I left the Christmas tree up longer than I should have.

- I’m glad we didn’t overdo the Santa thing.

- I’m glad we kept the focus on Jesus at Easter.

- I’m glad we kept them in church.

- I'm glad we hugged them.

- I'm glad we said, "I love you," and "I'm proud of you."

- I’m glad I went on all those field trips.

- I’m glad I helped out in their classrooms.

- I’m glad we “lived” at the library some days.

- I’m glad we fed the ducks.

- I’m glad we didn’t let them disrespect us.

- I’m glad we disciplined them when we had to.

- I’m glad we chose our battles carefully, and chose to let some things go.

- I’m glad we spent a little extra to let them do extracurricular activities.

- I’m glad we didn’t let extracurricular activities take over their lives.

- I’m glad we bought second hand clothes and bargain priced groceries.

- I’m glad we let them splurge when it counted.

- I’m glad we taught them to enjoy healthy foods.

- I’m glad we didn’t make them eat healthy foods all the time.

- I’m glad we took pictures, without taking too many.

- I’m glad our kids got to travel internationally.

- I’m glad we gave them opportunities to serve others.

- I’m glad we made their health and wellness a priority.

- I’m glad God was part of our lives outside of church.

- I’m glad that, for the most part, we were the same people at home that we were in public.

- I’m glad we didn’t take that Disney boycott thing too seriously.

- I’m glad they got to know extended family.

- I’m glad they got to spend quality time with their grandparents.

- I’m glad we opened our home to their friends.

- I’m glad we said no sometimes. I’m also glad we said yes.

- I’m glad we took them to Vacation Bible School.

- I’m glad we were vigilant about what they were allowed to watch on TV.

- I’m glad we watched public TV.

- I’m so, so, so glad for all the times we shut up and listened. I wish we had done even more of that.

- I’m glad we occasionally turned down invitations from adults so we could do things with our kids.

- I’m glad we were there. There for dance recitals, plays, concerts, soccer games, basketball, drill meets, presentations at school, church programs – all of it. Sometimes it was hard to do, and there were times when we couldn’t make it happen, but I will never regret the many moments spent watching from the wings, cheering from the balcony, or snapping pictures from the front row.

Time goes by so fast. There are so many things I wish we could have done with our kids, there are things I wish we had bought them, and there are places I meant to take them. It’s easy to feel sadness and regret when your nest is starting to empty out.

Looking back on the nest that's almost empty, I understand now that the most important things we do for our children are not the big things like expensive gifts or over-the-top excursions, but the little, every day things that let our kids know we love them consistently – in all seasons, through all phases, when life is perfect and when it isn’t, when our kids are perfect and when they aren’t. The little things I’m glad for today are the building blocks that have given my children a solid foundation to be the strong, self-confident, and loving people they are today.

Picking Up Where I Left Off

Quite by accident, I stumbled upon my blog today. I completely forgot that I started it, and I remembered how much I enjoyed it. Not writing for the world, but writing for myself.

I've always enjoyed writing, and everyone who ever told me I needed to write things down so I would remember them was right. I love looking at my old journals with extensive notes about my kids and family vacations. I have documents on my laptop that are simply rants from hard times and lists of things I'm thankful for in good times. If you enjoy writing - even a little bit - I would recommend that you take some time to force yourself to sit down and put your thoughts into written words.

Just be careful not to write things you wouldn't want the world to see. Especially if you're blogging.

Food Addiction

My advice today: Instead of trying to follow a diet plan, simply focus on eating foods that are good for you. Stick with it for two weeks, and see how you feel.

I firmly believe you can be addicted to food, just the same as you can be addicted to drugs, alcohol, and nicotine. I have a friend who is an addiction recovery counselor, and he told me you know you're an addict when you're either "doing it, thinking about doing it, or planning for the next time you're going to do it." That hits a little close to home, because there was a time when I was always either eating, thinking about eating, or planning my next meal.

(Sigh) I do enjoy a Chick-Fil-A chicken biscuit fix.

Delicious foods have always been an important part of who I am. I'm a Southern girl, and therefore love everything breaded and fried. I'm also a Southern Baptist - I don't consume alcohol, so food truly is my drug. I drown my sorrows in hot fudge sauce and celebrate victories with extra cheese. When I'm angry, I rip into pizza, and when I'm stressed I dive into a piled-high plate of Chinese food.

When I went through the Covenant Health Biggest Winner program, I made a decision to go all the way with it. I quit eating just about everything I was used to living on. I swapped burgers and fried chicken sandwiches for lean meat on whole wheat tortillas. I quit sopping up the drippings from my frozen dinner with Cheez-Its. I started ordering salads without dressing. My baked potatoes were covered with salsa instead of butter and sour cream. No more picking up Little Debbie cakes on the way home from work, or hitting the drive-thru for hot fudge cake and milkshakes.

It was painful, and I was miserable...but only for a couple of weeks. Honest, it was like going cold turkey off drugs or something.

After about 14 days without regular doses of sugar and grease, I really, truly didn't miss them much, at all. I started to prefer salads, and looked forward to my 100 calorie ice cream bars for a special treat. I started craving hummus. And granola bars didn't taste like shredded cardboard to me anymore. Cheating wasn't nearly as much fun as I always anticipated it would be. Eating two or three bites of my beloved decadent desserts just wasn't that much fun anymore. Eating brownies gave me a stomach ache that would last through the night. A curse and a blessing.

After an off season of sliding off the wagon a little, I allowed myself one, big splurge day before starting the new training season for the Covenant Health Knoxville Marathon Biggest Winner Team. I ate and thoroughly enjoyed a Chick-Fil-A breakfast with sweet tea, Zaxby's for lunch, a chocolate chip Double Doozie that afternoon, and I had brownies for supper. The food was sure tasty. But, honestly, it made me feel a sick.

And that's good.

See, knowing that those foods don't feed my needs anymore is pretty empowering. I don't get the same rush - the same high - that I used to get from binging. The food tastes good, but it doesn't give me the euphoria it used to. I'm looking forward to the way I feel when my life is filled with better, healthier choices.

For the record, I still enjoy Chick-Fil-A.
I get the wrap (no dressing), or the grilled chicken sandwich. It's their pleasure to serve it up, and I'm happy to say it's my pleasure to eat it up.

Pale Kids in a Sunshine World

Years ago, there was a Saturday morning cartoon on TV that featured an episode about the "pale kids" at school. The show was "Recess," and it revolved around the adventures of a bunch of fourth graders on the playground. The so-called "pale kids" were children who would rather stay inside and play board games (aka: nerd games) than get outside in the sunshine during recess.

I laughed so hard I literally had tears pooling up in my eyes.

Anyone who knew me well when I was a kid that age would absolutely agree that I was a true Pale Kid. It's not that I don't like sunshine. I'm simply apathetic and non-athletic (to quote my personal theme song from "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes"). I was the kid who would rather scrape gum off the bottom of the desks than go outside and play softball. In the summer, I'd be sitting in the shade reading a book while my friends were in the pool. When the neighborhood kids picked and sold blackberries to make money in the summertime, I sat inside the air conditioned house and watched Jeopardy. My favorite place was the basement, where it was dark and there was a TV. Some of us just don't do the physically active thing, and we especially don't do it outdoors.

To make a (very) long story short, I had to make some changes as I got older. Reluctantly and resistantly, I had to get my health under control. Watching TV all the time has a much different effect on your body when you're 14 than it does when you're over 40. With cardiovascular disease in my family, and some health issues of my own surfacing, I eventually had to come to terms with the fact that I needed to make some changes if I wanted to stick around for awhile, and continue to enjoy life to the fullest.

So this blog is about health, fitness, starting over, life in general, and being a Pale Kid. I have learned I can coexist with grown-up sunshine kids quite well.

- I look different in pictures than sunshine kids, but I don't shy away from cameras.
- I may not be fast, but I have endurance.
- I may be the only person wearing jeans at the training runs, but I do show up.
- My legs will never be skinny, but they do work and so I will use them and be thankful.
- And while I don't cross the finish line with the sunshine kids, I do finish. And that's what counts!